This is the most perfect part of your turkey sandwich
Thanksgiving takes on a different, perhaps wider, meaning when you are an expat family living in Asia.
By nature of being parents to third-culture children, I suppose we have a more difficult time defining our own family customs and traditions. Are we Dutch? Are we American? There was a time that Lulu and Friso even thought that they were Swiss.
The struggle definitely makes it more difficult for our children to embrace their heritage. The whole idea of doing things one way “just because” seems fleeting and ambiguous to me sometimes.
On the flip side, customs and traditions are much more open and relaxed when you are an international family. Dare I say that we tend to pick and choose which habits we follow and redefine how we celebrate?
Nothing drove this point home like sitting around the table yesterday for Thanksgiving lunch with our amazing Tokyo “family”.
Our Tokyo family is a group comprised of what I have become to call my “people”. My people are not a family in the traditional sense, and yet they are also more than a family in many ways. They are a wonderfully eclectic group, who are so completely and utterly different from me, from our family and from one another.
As we came together and enjoyed Thanksgiving lunch, I began to realize that I redefined our concept of Thanksgiving without meaning to.
For our family, the concept of Thanksgiving comes down to three simples musts.
Be Mindful
I am sorry, mom, but I have to blow the whistle here. I can remember some of our big family meals as a little girl. We would tuck in to the meal, get a good conversation going and lose ourselves in the moment. It was that warm and fuzzy atmosphere that you covet as a child.
The adults were noisy and the kids could eat the bits they liked and leave the rest. My parents were so happy that they didn’t notice bad manners, too many cinnamon buns, lack of protein. Sounds like kid-heaven, right?
And then, all of a sudden, my grandmother and aunt would pop up and start doing the dishes!
For me, there is something I love about working for days to plan a meal, spending all day in the kitchen preparing it and then sitting with my guests to enjoy eating with no time limit. I love the feeling that we live together in that moment – for as long as we can.
It is dreamy and bonding. It creates a moment that will turn in to a memory, which will turn in to a connection.
Yesterday, we ate. For a really long time. We filled and refilled our plates. We spoke to one another, to the children, to no one.
There were no pressures or outside influences. The afternoon was ours and we took it.
Express Gratitude
We went around the happily noisy table yesterday and each one of us shared one thing that we were grateful for. It was amazing how many times we clapped, cheered, clinked glasses…
Because, the reality is, we have a damn good life. We are healthy. We live in a safe environment. We have wonderful families and solid friendships. We are free to move. We do not live in fear. Our children are growing up with education and books and clean water.
Do we have all that we want? Perhaps not. By nature of being an expatriate or a friend of an expatriate, I suppose we are all working and growing and expanding. We are possibly not “there” yet. We all have dreams and wishes. And maybe that drive is tiring or unfulfilling or empty.
So, it isn’t all good. We have sadness and difficulties and problems without solutions.
But yesterday we paused. And when it all boiled down to one or two sentences around a table, each and every one of us felt gratitude.
Eat
It might be my Italian heritage, my obsessive nature or my need to find a solution to any and every problem, but I truly believe that a good meal is one of life’s best medicines.
I think that the backbone of the very first Thanksgiving, of our lunch yesterday or any of the celebrations held around the world over the past few days centred on this very concept. Just eat. With no abandon.
If you know me, you know that I talk endlessly about these last few kilos that I am trying to lose. But you know, what? They were not even a fleeting thought at our lunch (or while working my way thru leftovers today, so perhaps why they are still there?).
Forget about salt and sugar and all of the rest and just eat. Enjoy that moment. When you let go of whatever it is and simply yourself enjoy, your heart is happier.
For me, living in the moment begins with letting go of all the day-to-day ideas and concepts and simply wearing my heart on my sleeve. It means having the courage to be a part of something bigger than myself.
Of course I won’t eat roasted Brussels sprouts or pecan sweet potato phyllo casserole or pecan pie everyday. But what I can do is take that memory and the feeling with me when I leave the table.
At the end of the day, my Thanksgiving is about being aware that my life is fragile and needs to be nurtured. I need that one day of year to come together and reflect. And, of course, eat enough to sink a ship.
Roll on turkey sandwich!
