Finding hope in this crazy, mixed-up world
I have to level with you… I am finding it hard right now.
I was sent a text message from a friend that said:
Congratulations to everyone who survived the second month of 2020!
In total you’ve survived:
- World War III threats
- A worldwide killer virus outbreak
- Climate change bushfires
- Yummy by Justin Bieber
- Volcanic eruptions
We go on again.
May the odds be ever in your favour
The reality is that it is certainly a funny message, but when you add to that your own personal struggles, the world seems like a big, creepy dark monster.
For me, it’s not simply stroke-related. In fact, my stroke seems like the one thing that I have a handle on. All of the other things, things which I cannot control, or even understand, leave me feeling a bit hopeless.
I am no expert on the subject. However, here are the ways that I am coping with the loss and the fear that goes with it.
I believe that the only way forward is to learn to act in a resilient manner to all things… whether you have misplaced your keys or when you have to face life-changing-events.
Create a circle of support
I don’t know where in the world I would be without my friends and my family, those kind souls who carried me when I couldn't walk on my own.
I’ve written about my village and the 5 types of people I’ve met thru and with my stroke. However, at this point in my recovery, I can do a bit more. I can talk. I can walk and if you don’t know me, I am sure that you would consider me to be a normal person.
Even my family, the people closest to me, who see me day in and day out, expect me to just get on with it! It leaves me wondering, don’t they see the affects of my stroke anymore? Sometimes it leaves me feeling dispirited.
They let reality go sometimes.
While this is perfectly normal (I would be crushed if they didn’t) it is not always easy. Especially when I need a little extra support.
If you have ever been in this predicament, try this exercise I found on Linda Graham’s website.
Thru this visualisation, I can surround myself with exactly what I need at that particular moment. If I need a cheerleader, I can imagine my lovely, sweet friend who brought me flowers and veggie juices almost daily, who shared uplifting stories about her struggles and those gorgeous cards… she has a knack for spontaneously cheering me up!
We have the power to dream-up exactly who we need, even if that person is far away. Over time and with practice, the brain receives the same stimulation as if what you conjure up is reality.
Find meaning thru loss
It doesn’t matter if you're suffering the results of a stroke. Or a virus outbreak. Or the death of a loved one. It only matters how you deal with the situation.
What mindset are you in?
Here’s the thing, when I’m feeling negativity surrounding me, eating ice cream all day in my bed has a certain charm. That is exactly what I do when the world is ganging up on me.
But I know, that tomorrow I can and will, get up, dust myself off and try to face my calamities again.
What inspires you? Do you feel inspired?
Part of living a fulfilling life, especially after a stroke or another life-changing event, is reaching deep inside yourself and finding your inner resolve.
That spark, the spirit, that keeps you striving when the chips are down, when all hope is seemingly lost.
I find that on my darkest days, allowing myself the space and energy to just feel, helps me to process and to find my footing.
If I take it all in, the pain and the loss, a thread of hope starts to weave itself into my mind. Eventually, I begin to find and piece together a semblance of meaning.
Practice gratitude
This is really hard for me. I want to be grateful.
I want to look back in 30 years and see the journey I’ve taken, with all of its ups and downs, its shitty bits and its triumphs.
I don’t want to focus on what’s next.
The problem of being so goal-oriented is that I never just sit back and count my blessings. I don't often feel grateful. I take my family, my friends, for granted so much of the time.
Despite having a gratitude journal, despite having the will to be more grateful, I am facing forwards most of the time.
As I was discussing this problem with a friend, I realised that I am also teaching my children to do the same. It really weighs on me.
He suggested a simple exercise that I can facilitate with my three on a daily basis. At dinnertime we go around the table and name one thing that we are grateful for. It’s a very simple task, but you would be amazed at how bad we all are at this.
So, there is room for improvement!
Slay your dragon
You have created a circle of support. You know how to find your meaning. And I’ll bet that you’re better than me at being grateful.
So, what’s next?
The only way forward is to act with intension and clarity, even when you’re tired or being chased by demons.
Go for it. Chase that meaning thru hell and highwater. Be unstoppable.
Last night I was discussing this very concept with an old friend.
He quipped that the real masters of dragon slaying are those that can stop them in their tracks, with dignity and respect, almost just by glaring at them.
There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilised as a source of strength.’
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster.
― Dalai Lama XIV