Dear friend,
Last week I was confronted by an old friend who wanted to see me after a long three years. Sadly, I had to decline. It was the last week of school, I had writing deadlines and my therapies made it impossible.
I said no.
And I felt entitled to say that.
My friend was hurt by my decision to put the other stuff in front of our friendship. She didn’t understand. And that’s ok.
Here’s the thing, that other stuff keeps me going. It is how I put one foot in front of the other. It is what’s driving me.
It’s not that I wanted to be anti-social, so why was I pushing my old friend away?
I realised that it wasn’t a push, and maybe it sounds unfriendly, but I had to give myself permission to concentrate my power and my spirit on me, to be laser-focused on what I need:
To be fixated on being the best mother to my three.
To be extremely determined to get my first book to the editor.
To be highly committed to regaining my speech & cognitive reasoning skills and guiding my body how to move in the right way.
I consciously decided to centre my attention on these activities and, thru no fault of her own, she actually fell by the wayside at this point in my life.
In the months following my stroke, I couldn't have dealt with extraneous people in my life. I lacked the energy to follow along with all of their stories and chatter. It was too much for me. Aside from my family and my therapists, I had limited room for anybody else in my close circle.
Now, I can accommodate everyone, but I choose not to. The cost is too high. For her, an hour visit is just an hour stolen from her waking hours. She can be flexible, fitting me in wherever and whenever.
I could have done that as well, before my stroke. Now, I have to be selective with my time and energy. In order for me to find my 2.0 and enjoy the process, I need to throw my full self in. No time to waste.
I choose to live in this way…. and if that means I sound entitled, so be it.
Do what's good for you,